Monday, July 13, 2009

Fifth Chakra:

This chakra lies in the throat.
'It is a bridge chakra, allowing us to receive nurturance, and permitting us to express what we deeply know and feel. Hence the fifth chakra is the center both of receiving and of the articulation of our creative energy. It is also called the communication chakra.'

I did this card back in May, and was happy with it. I felt it expressed me as a communicator (which is my job, teaching all day, talking and communicating) and also loving to talk non stop whenever and wherever I could .

Before I posted it, two problems hit me at the same time. I had to have two bottom front teeth removed due to gum disease (which my father suffered from too), and mythroat/voice started to give me problems along with severe heartburn.

To cut a looong story short, after 3 months of having a denture fitted (using a temporary one that was painful and inadequate), and also having extensive tests and an endoscopy/gastroscopy for my heartburn and voice.......

I now have my new denture, which needs readjusting every week, but fits comfortably now, and the endoscopy revealed no major underlying illnesses, just this severe heartburn (which could also be burning my voice)...also my voice (which is a muscle), that is weakening after 40 years of teaching.

This all 'threw' me for months. I found myself becoming depressed at the realisation that I was getting (and feeling) a lot older, no matter how 'young' I feel in my head; that my physical being was in fact 'turning on me', and that I had to start to look ahead ---to what???

Suddenly, everything became an issue...what's it all about?' I wondered and still do. What were all those years and years of working and striving and tecahing been all about? What has my marriage/s been all about? Why did I have kids? What have I achieved? Suddenly I fell into a large, dark pit and remained there for a long time.

Here's the really scary part....I had no one to talk to about it, no one to really HEAR ME.
At the end of the day, I have been listening to everyone, and giving and giving and giving, and now I get to the Autumn of my life, and no one is listening to me!

Or is it possible that I have worn so many masks for so many years that no one would believe me if I actually told them the truth?


  1. Soul, I am listening. I know you as a kind, caring, loving, generous soul. Maybe the mask has only shilded you from yourself. Remove the mask and I think you will be pleased with who you discover.

  2. Hi Soul, I admire you for being able to share your feelings. I'd been to that scary dark place, too and there was a time that i really stopped talking and sharing and thinking. And when I was very much alone in that silence that someone came along just to be with me in my silence and when the right time came He listened and understood.....Just believe you'll get over this because even if I don't know you personally, I can read between the lines, in your posts, in your sharing and in your lovely face how wonderful a person you are.....

  3. whenever i don't write, i feel a lump in my throat... and i know how energy is blocked there... so i write and i really feel released...

    this is a very expressive work you've done here...

    and i really relate to what you've written here... about that givinig and giving... think people get used to it and never expect you to want anything and when you want something, you are not taken seriously... or they feel you are weak and they just leave you alone...(forcing you indirectly to wear the mask of a silent hero!) while all the time when they were struggling with their weaknesses, this was you who helped them gain their self-confidence...
    this is how i feel...

    you know, maturity is sometimes gained very slowly and it may take a lifetime...
    as we wait for others to become mature and understanding, we get old and older while our soul gets younger and younger...

    c'est la vie! full of contradictions...

    hmmmm .... seems this post was a good remedy for my 5th chakra!

    love you a lot my deatest Soul...
    thanks also for all your wise, sweet words on my blog that are like rain in a dry desert...

    love and peace to you

  4. Wow. What a great site! Your honesty with yourself and strangers is refreshing. It's not too often we want to be so open with ourselves and face problems that have lurked inside for so long.

  5. hi!
    just dropping by to say i never forget you... i follow you and enjoy your artworks in my Reader... and regret that i do not have access to your fabulous blog, SOULBRUSH...

    you are unforgettable!
    best wishes and lots of love

  6. You speak for me in many ways. Those nagging questions, the quiet room that does not embrace or reply or nod the slightest reassurance.

    I have wondered what it's all about. I don't know. I do know that kind people make for good days. And you are part of that goodness.

  7. I hear you. I feel your frustration. I wonder if these are masks or the faces of yourself that re required to meet the needs of others? I don't know. I hope you are feeling better.



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What in heaven's name is strange about a grandmother dancing nude? I'll bet lots of grandmothers do it. Sally Rand