More Committees

I was in very upset and contrary mood yesterday, after my 'dentist' experience ( http://soulbrush.blogspot.com/2009/04/friday-shock-and-laughter.html).
I felt restless and out of sorts all day long.
Eventually by about 9pm I was able to settle down to do some collaging, and immediately began to feel calmer
Here is what I produced:

Controlling:
When I am in control I do feel .....in control, not only of the instant moment but of everything around me. Losing control is very scary for me.

Moody:
Extreme moodiness has definitely waned as I've got older, but this is still part of me inside. I actually have to try very hard to deal with it.

Wearing Masks:

I wear a lot of masks in my life, appearing calm on the outside when I am often a ball of nerves on the inside. Sometimes I even begin to believe in my own masks!

After these I felt drained, but ready to do some more....

Committee Suit Cont.

Been at home today beavering away at my cards.


They all just 'happened' naturally, but it did take hours to sift through photos, find them, cut out those bits that 'shout' at me, then arrange them (didn't have to rearrange them, once and that's it!).Then stick and look at and scan and that's it.


So, here they are:

My Source card (possibly).

This one was easy, it was one image and said all I needed it to say.

Abused Child:
I realised after my first card that possibly 'less is more'.
This one didn't need a lot on it anyway, it just evolved.I was abused by my mother as a child and growing up, both physically and mentally, and it has affected everything I do and see and say.

Broken heart:
My heart has been broken many many times in my life, and this, too, just evolved. I knew I wanted it to be brown and dark.

Rebel: I was always a rebel, I just didn't feel as though I fitted into my skin most of the time as I as growing up. Because of my mother's severity, I rebelled every way I could. I was seen as being different and wierd and that was okay....But I didn't want this card to be dark and foreboding, as being a rebel gave me a lot of fun and joy.

The most important thing for me is NOT to compare my cards to other people's collage and find them 'wanting' in any way.

I do this at my art lesson, as the other woman is much more arty than I am but in a very staid rigid way, whereas I am prepared to try new things and am much more free with my stuff.

Likewise with these cards, I have looked at lots of collage books and other's work, and my cards seem so 'flat', but they are 'me' and for now that's fine. I am not doing them to please others, but for ME.

Generosity

Time to begin, I decided...no more procastinating, which I definitely don't do. On the contrary I want to fly into about 6 Neter cards at once, and have to hold myself back and take it easy, one step at a time.

I decided to start with one of my positive inner parts...generosity. I am incredibly generous (to a fault) which has a flip side (for another card and another day).

I became totally absorbed in what I was doing, first looking through all the bits and pieces I had been tearing out of books, magazines, newspapers the past few weeks, then cutting them up (with no real direction) then putting them all on the table in front of me.

My main focus had to be on hands. Don't know why I decided on hands, but -like the book says, these ideas aren't actually conscious ones; certain images 'talk' to you.
I ended up with dozens of images of hands, took the card and started, without any definite path.

What an incredible experience; very liberating, very fascinating and very strange. The card literally 'made' itself.

I know I love telling a good story and even exaggerating, but this is exactly what has just happened to me. Even the one word and the one foot came out of my mind and had to be done.

I am now putting everything away and not going to even try to analyse what I have just done and why!

Mind-blowing....I am sure I will be doing a few more this coming week.

Week two: Committee Suit

Okay, so I read Carla's week 2 (very informative) prompt/ challenge and knew I had to do more in depth reading of the Collage book as I didn't have a clue what she was talking about.

A few hours later:
Aha, that feels better, now I understand more what a Neter is and what a Committe Suit is.

Straight away I find I am interested and intrigued.
There are loadsa little 'mes' inside me. I am going to list some of them, looking at the list in the book, then following on with some of my own. Here goes:

Abused child
Carer for sickly brother
Rescuer
Rebel
Bossy Boots
Artist
Daredevil
Teacher
Mother
Fighter
Moody
Dependable
Reliable
Hurt heart
Empty Soul
Wearer of masks
Attentive
Generous
Inability to say 'No'
Warmth
Unable to fight for my rights
Thoughtful
Supportive
Understanding
People -pleaser
Controlling
Fear Authority
Over critical of myself

My goodness, these alone could keep me busy for a whole year.